


Mourning

by LokisGhost



Category: Dragon Age 2
Genre: Drunkenness, M/M, Mild Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-28
Updated: 2012-11-28
Packaged: 2017-11-19 18:52:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/576522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokisGhost/pseuds/LokisGhost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anders seeks M!Hawke out, trying to pull him out of a melancholy mood after the death of his Mother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mourning

"Hawke?" I called, reaching the top of the stairs and turning towards our room. I walked into the bedroom and found him slumped in a chair facing the fireplace. The room felt close, stifling, though it was snowing outside. I felt like I was intruding as I stepped further in.

 

"Anders!" Hawke turned and smiled, though the feeling never reached his eyes and just as quickly fled. "I didn't expect you home so soon, Love!" His forced smile forgotten, his forehead creased with worry as he quickly rose from his chair, "Is something wrong?"  
I smiled, closing the distance between us and pressed him back down into the comforting embrace of his favorite musty, old chair. Massaging his shoulders as I gathered my thoughts, I finally responded. "Nothing is wrong, Hawke. Relax. I closed the clinic early, today. No one needed me there and I found I really just wanted to be here..." I leaned in to whisper conspiratorially, "And for once, Justice agreed!"

Brushing my lips past his cheek as I straightened, I felt him chuckle at the jest and place a hand on mine. Palm to palm I squeezed his hand and leaned in to rest my chin on his shoulder clearing my throat before continuing, "So, tell me, Love. Why does it feel as if I should be able to turn and find 'McBroody' sitting in the corner of our room? This mood doesn't suit you at all." I knew the reason he had sat himself here in the dim greyness of dawn, knew what had Orana send Sandal and Bodahn off to find me in Darktown, despite the danger. I watched his face without turning my head, trying to see the thoughts making their way through my lover’s mind.

 

Hawke let out a breath, seeming to deflate a little further into his seat and I feared for a moment he wouldn’t answer, but just as I was about to give up and make another jest to distract him from his melancholy, he spoke.

"I'm sorry, it's just… Today is the anniversary of Bethany's death, lost on our first flight from Lothering. She has been on my mind all morning…" He paused and patted my hand, releasing me and half-turning in his seat so that I had to stand, certain muscles complained as I did so, letting me know I was older than I once was. "As I was sitting here, I started to think about Carver, and then Father… and Mother... I'm afraid my mind was travelling down a very depressing road, Love." He gave a heartbreaking grin and let his eyes travel over the room behind me, eyes wide to discourage the tears I saw threatening in the corners of his eyes. "It crossed my mind that if Father had not run from the Circle, all of them would still be alive."

 

Panting slightly, I looked up from complaining knees and found myself gripping the arms of Hawke’s chair, I could tell by Hawke’s startled look that Justice had some choice words for him when he took over... I let myself sink back relieving the pressure on my knees against the hard wooden floor, and rested my hands on his legs, all my energy gone for a few moments that I would not recall. "You do like to provoke him sometimes, don't you, Hawke?" our bodies shook as we both chuckled. I rested my head on his knees and felt his fingers tug at my hair gently, straightening the wayward strands that had escaped its tie. Silence, save for the crackling of the fire behind me, reigned for a few moments as we both corralled our drifting thoughts.

Dozing, I awoke as Hawke shifted in his seat, calling my attention back from the dancing flames that had me mesmerized. Glancing up I saw the broken, unsure, young man that always tried his hardest to do the right thing, but who bled inside each time things went so very wrong.

 

Looking away, I started picking at a piece of ripped upholstery and ‘I wonder if Hawke’s noticed that yet’ flitted briefly across my mind before I looked back to the man I loved and hurt for. "I know you haven't had an easy life, Hawke. But…" Searching his face I decided to be blunt, "Do you truly think that would have been best?” I sat forward, despite my complaining joints and grasped one of his hands, “You and Bethany would probably have been raised in separate Circles, never knowing each other or your father. Carver... Well Carver would likely be as big an ass he always had been, but might have been taken in by the Chantry, but even if he wasn’t… What sort of life do you think your mother would have had? Having lost two children and their father and having to raise that..."

I flailed my hand loosely in the air as if to pluck the word I wanted from it, but ended up faltering as I could sense him starting to object, "I know, in the end she lost a lot, but think! Do you think she would have wanted to lose all of you even if it meant she could still be 'My Lady Amell'? She had so many years with you, all of you! Do you think she would have given up one day?"

 

Hawke’s thoughts were finally easy to read on his face, as a small smile tugged at one corner of his mouth, "No. I suppose not… In fact, if she were here, she would probably give me a tongue lashing for even thinking like this." He raised one of my hands and kissed it, "Thank you, Love." His smile grew as he mockingly added, "You know, though… Had I been in the Fereldan Circle, we would have met sooner…" His lips quirked higher still, so he was actually smiling at me as he finished, "But you were involved back then, weren't you… With Karl?" Hawke pressed his free hand against his forehead, closing his eyes, "I suppose I would have pined away, my love denied before it even started." He held a breath, peering at me through his lashes, before releasing it all in a huff and slumping dramatically into the chair as if faint.

 

Chuckling, I leaned forward, pushing myself from the floor, and looming over his chair, "Actually," I raised my eyebrow and smirked a little, teasing him back, "I only told you that Karl was my first…"

 

Hawke laughed and punched me in the shoulder, and I waggled my eyebrows at him, leering suggestively, and he grabbed me and pulled me close kissing me until we were both too distracted by each other’s mouths to engage in our customary battle of wittiness and flirting.

 

Hearing a noise, I pulled back slightly, pulling my hungry gaze away from his to find what had cause it. I laughed, meeting Hawke’s eyes again; the husky tones of lust still in my voice as I gestured towards the door. "As much as I would love to continue, I think we might not be alone…"

"Who is it? Not Isabella again?" Hawke chuckled, but was surprised when he saw that it was his Mabari, 'Gunney' standing in the doorway, instead. When the dog saw that we had both stopped our games and were looking, he 'woofed' and turned to head out the door, stopping before he was out of sight to make certain that we were following.  
Hawke raised his eyebrow, a question in his smile. A question I chose not to answer, as I pulled him out of the chair and pushed him after the dog.

 

As we descended the stairs, Hawke saw the entryway to the estate had been rearranged, while we had lingered upstairs. A long table had been pulled to the center of the room, glasses overflowing with drink, and tasty tidbits lain out upon it; our friends arranged around it, waiting for the guest of honor.

Everyone had provided something of the food and drink that spread over the table. Fenris had found another bottle of the wine that he and Hawke were so fond of decorating the walls in the mansion he was squatting in. Isabella had provided some exotic fruits she swore would go well with the alcohol, though with the way she chuckled as she said it, I made a note to avoid them. Aveline and Donnic had snuck in a large roast that Orana had slaved over all day. Merill had wandered in looking a little lost, and a lot overwhelmed, but had been instrumental in setting up the entire party. Varric had arrived with a wrapped gift under his arm, but wouldn't tell anyone what it was, and had finally decided to hide it when Isabella wouldn't stop trying to steal it for herself. Varric was determined to slip the gift to Hawke when they could be alone and undisturbed.

 

Several hours later (and several bottles), we were all in tears of laughter, Isabella had somehow ended up in Fenris' lap, Merill could barely lift her head from the table and was singing softly in elvhenan, and Varric was busy collecting more information on Hawke, having gotten him started telling some stories from his childhood.

"I swear Carver never knew what hit him! Bethany and Carver had been playing in the yard, while I was practicing magic with Father. Bethany had a ball and was playing fetch with Gunney, when Carver decided..."

Hawke's laughter was contagious, as he gasped for air, continuing his story out of breath with tears of laughter as he recounted, "Carver! He! Hehehe He wanted a turn, but when he tried to take the ball from her." Hawke had to pause for breath, again, before he could continue, "Oh, Maker! I thought Father would pass out from laughter when he came outside and saw sweet little Bethany sitting on poor Carver's head!" We all dissolved into laughter and the stories continued…

 

The party had lasted long into the night, and the next day was just beginning to dawn when I found myself half-carrying Hawke up the stairs. Everyone else was in various states of inebriation lying around and on the table, floor, benches, and dog.

I was tired beyond belief, but couldn't regret a bit of it as I walked the still-singing Hawke towards the bed. "C'mon, Hawke," I grunted with effort as he stumbled against me, throwing off my balance, "Time for bed!"

 

I turned around, intending to sit Hawke on the edge of the bed and remove his shoes before he could pass out, but he seemed to have a different plan.  
When he pulled me backwards, I was completely unprepared. I started to sit up again, but he wasn't as drunk as he had been pretending, as he swung himself around and pinned me down. Stunned for a moment, I wondered what he was up to, "Hawke, What in Andraste's name are you doing?" I glared at him, "If you vomit on me…!"

 

But he just chuckled and leaned in, kissing me gently, "I wanted to thank you, Anders. For tonight. For every night and every day that you are with me," He sobered a bit, playing with my hair, "It would kill me to lose you, too. You know that, right...? I don't think I've ever told you, but I think you need to hear it more than it gets said."  
He leaned in, again, brushing his lips softly against mine. "Maker, you deserve to hear it!" He whispered vehemently before slipping his tongue in my mouth.

 

In the brief moments of lucidity my mind allowed after that kiss, I knew that Hawke… MY Hawke would be okay.

 

After all, I would drown us in blood to keep him safe...


End file.
